From the lanai

September got here faster than I thought, and my time in Kauai has been just what I'd hoped it would be -- shared with loved ones. I like to do that wherever I am, but feeling the sea breezes, watching the waves crash, and looking for sea turtles and dolphins adds a little extra magic to the shared time.

I'm so grateful that my mom joined us for part of our stay. We spent a lot of time looking for wildlife off the lanai. Rough life. She even snorkeled in the little bay -- Go Mom!

Moments after the kids arrived the second week, I was witness to Dear Heart's proposal to Darling Daughter! Down by the stone wall, they were far enough away that the words they exchanged were private (besides, who can hear over the crashing waves), but close enough that I got pictures. Yee haw!

Life is good -- certainly from the lanai, but really, from anywhere I am. I just try to remember to enjoy it each day. Hope you do, too!

Are we there yet?

Yes, hooray, I'm done with treatment! I had my last radiation session about a month ago. And it's been more than three months since chemo ended. So what's next? Life after treatment is life. Lunch or dinner with friends, phone calls to Mom, yardwork (I so want to call it gardening, but I just can't), house projects, work that pays the bills, movies -- all the good stuff.

When I had my lumps removed in January, as far as I'm concerned, the cancer was gone. All the rest that's followed is just insurance to make sure the cancer doesn't come back. Because the tumors are fueled by estrogen, I'm now taking an estrogen inhibitor (letrozole) -- it's a tiny pink pill that I take daily for potentially the next five years. So far, the side effects have been minimal, and I've got my order in to the powers that be that it stay that way. I'll be getting semi-annual mammograms and blood tests, and I expect the results to be normal because there's no reason to think otherwise. So it's back to our regularly scheduled programming, with a little more life experience under our belt.

I made another trip to the gym with my darling daughter, and I'm proud to report that I kicked ass! Half an hour on the elliptical with nary a word from the machine about resuming my workout. It was awesome!

The next big thing on the horizon is a two-week trip to Kauai in September with my family -- it's my reward for surviving treatment. My next post may be from the lanai....  aloha!

Summer!

Huzzah! The sunshine and warm weather are here! At least for today, and that's good enough for me -- for today anyway. I'm out on the deck, admiring all the lovely containers that have been planted and are blooming and growing. It's quiet, except for the boats on the lake and the Fleet Foxes blaring on the stereo, oh yeah, and all those birds chirping and cawing. It's all good.

32 treatments down, 3 to go. A month ago the end of all this business seemed like such a long way away, but here I am on the precipice of putting my cancer treatment in the past. And I'm ready.  So if you feel a special sigh of relief on Wednesday morning at around 9am, that'll be me saying ba-bye to the radiation machine.

My eyebrows and eyelashes fell out about 3 weeks ago, and my eyebrows have already grown back in -- like wow. If my hair was as vigorous a grower as my eyebrows seem to be, I'd have nothing to complain about. But the hair on my head is growing slow as molasses, and the eyelashes are taking their time too.  They say a watched pot never boils; I guess the same is true for hair. I scrutinize my pate every day, hoping - willing it to grow - but it's ignoring me. Oh well, another opportunity to practice patience. You'd think I would be getting better at this, but so far, no.

I've got an appointment with my oncologist on Thursday, so I'll find out what the follow-up plan is. And now, back to the sunshine -- all of you!

Long Time

I know it's been awhile. First, my mac was out of commission, and then... well, whatever.

I'm halfway through my radiation, 18 sessions down, 17 more to go. I'm really looking forward to the day when I can pop in the car and head straight to work instead of stopping off at the cancer institute for my daily dose. And that day will be June 30. Oh, except that I have an appt. with my oncologist on the 30th, so let's say July 1 for putting this all behind me (June has 30 days, right? I never learned that poem.)

As for the radiation, it's a 15 minute appointment, and most of that time is spent changing clothes. When I go in for my treatment it takes about as much time to get me properly aligned as it does for the radiation. About the time I'm ready to drop off for a nap on the table, it's time to get up because it's over. So far, the side effects have been quite tolerable. A bit of a burned feeling by the end of the week, but having the weekend off gives my skin a little time to recuperate. Of course, I'm writing this on a Monday -- let's see what kind of song I'm singing come Friday.

Exercise is important throughout this treatment process, but finding the energy to do it is a real challenge. And when the doctors say exercise, they don't mean triathlon training, they mean getting out for a walk. I manage to get some exercise 2-3 times a week (ok, that's on a good week), but what I used to call a workout, and what I'm doing these days for exercise are worlds apart. Since I've been feeling pretty good, I thought I'd go to the gym this weekend with my girl. I haven't been to the gym in months and months, and I was looking forward to getting in a good workout. I spent a half hour on the elliptical machine, and I swear it was trying to shame me into working harder. It kept telling me to resume my workout -- while I was working out! I guess it pauses if your speed is too low. Ouch. That was a tad humiliating. I guess it's only up from here.

Hair update: yes, it's starting to sprout.  No news yet on the quantity or quality, but it's coming in, maybe an eighth of an inch.

And finally, the year of the yard is taking shape. Dear Heart is spearheading the effort and is making headway. Boulders have been moved, paths laid, gravel shoveled and compacted -- it's a glorious work in progress, and I couldn't be more pleased.

Next Up

Goodbye chemo, hello radiation!

In celebration of the end of chemo, I had my port-a-catheter (not-so-fondly referred to as Igor because he was a pain in my neck who sometimes made me hunch my shoulders) removed from my chest Friday morning. This event was spurred on by the fact that on Wednesday, part of my neck went numb, starting from about where Igor's tube hooked into the vein in my neck up to my chin. Weird. 

I had a hard time believing that removing the likes of Igor is an  in-office procedure. But it is. The doc numbs up the port area on your chest, slices open the spot where she installed it, then yanks out the port along with the catheter tube in your neck and sends you on your way within half an hour with a few stitches in your chest. Seriously. I was in the office at 8 and out by 8:30.  After all the pain and suffering endured from Igor's installation, his removal was a piece of cake, relatively speaking. Good riddance Igor, you did your job and I'm grateful for that, but I'm so glad we've parted ways. So so glad. Even if my neck is still numb.

I met my radiologist on Thursday (another great doc at the Swedish Cancer Institute)  and had my radiation planning session on Friday, after Igor's removal -- Friday was a busy day. After being measured and tattooed at the planning appointment (all I had to do was lie on the table while the techs figured things out -- it was a nice break in the day), I scheduled my 33 radiation appointments and am all set for the next adventure. My dry-run happens on Tuesday when they check to make sure that all will go as planned for the radiation treatments, then Wednesday, the fun begins. Radiation five days a week for the next six and a half weeks. Expected side effects: fatigue and skin burn. I hope that both will be minimal. I'll be wrapping up treatment by the end of June and will be ready for a little fun in the sun. Please please please weather gods, can we have a sunny summer this year!

Happy Day!

Today is the anniversary of my most life-changing event, the birth of my first child. In celebration of May 3 1986, this one’s for you, my girl. You mean the world to me, and these are just a few of the reasons why:

• You made me the one thing I wanted most in life, to be a mom.
• You were the cutest baby in the nursery – I know there is plenty of competition for this title, but you really are the winner.
• You were such a good baby, you made me feel like I had the whole motherhood thing down. Thank you for that! The feeling lasted until your brother was born.
• You loved American Girl dolls, which meant that I got to love them too.
• You coaxed and coached your brother to perform with you an impromptu rendition of Romeo and Juliet for Dad and me on our 13th wedding anniversary.
• You make a mean batch of chocolate chip cookies.
• Though your longshoreman’s vocabulary mortified me, your crew career always made me proud.
• You are always on time.
• You believe in the 7 Ps. 
• You are fiercely independent.
• You can be tender-hearted and tough as nails.
• You have hair that I envy.
• You love to sing – loud and proud.
• You have the Wilson pet thing going on – in spades!
• Your birthday always reminds me of springtime and sunshine and lilacs.
• You love to ski.
• You let me help you move into all of your college apartments.
• You shop with me.
• You love love love college football.
• You are loyal and thoughtful and smart and funny.
• You are the best travel companion – cross-state, cross-country, cross-Europe – I’d go anywhere with you.
• You cry at good-byes.
• When you studied athletic training, you always answered our sports injury and rehab questions.
• Now that you’re a nurse, you always answer our health-related questions.
• You come to chemo sessions and doctor visits and remind me how best to take care of myself.
• You offered to cut off your hair to make a wig for me.

Somewhere along the line, I must have done something right to have been blessed with you as my daughter. Happy Birthday, My Girl! Love you big time!

Last Round!

I knew this day would come, and huzzah! Here it is. Last day in the chemo chair. I don't want to jinx myself, but the day is going pretty smoothly. Blood work came back good. Chemo got started on time. We may be out of here in the three hours originally promised -- we'll see.

The last couple of weeks have been rough. I mentioned last time that I was allergic to the anitbiotic I took for my fever. The hives got so bad that I saw the doc that Tuesday and was prescribed a steroid combo drug that finally brought relief to the swelling and itching. Then I had horrible hay fever kick in. Oh my friends, if you're a hay fever sufferer, I understand now why the sufferer label is attached to the condition. Runny eyes, water faucet nose, achy teeth, achy nose. Awful! I've never had hay fever before and I hope I never have it again. I had finally started to feel somewhat good on Sunday, but then the bridge of my nose was tender and started to swell up. And it kept swelling so that by Tuesday, another trip to the doc was in order. They were stumped. I don't know, another allergy or something? We all decided to wait and see if it would resolve on its own, and thank heaven it did. I'm no longer taking ibuprofen, in case I've developed a sensitivity to it. Don't know if this is a permanent off the list med (I do love my vitamin I!), but I guess I'll see. My biggest concern was that I might not get my last chemo today, but here I am! And we're almost done with the pre-meds (hooray anti-nausea medication!) and ready to start on the money drugs (chemo).

Besides all this medical stuff, I've been happily distracted by work the last two weeks. Lots and lots of work to do, and I've had the energy to put in a few long days, so I feel like I'm on top of things, which is a pretty terrific feeling in the midst of all this hubbub.

Last weekend, dear heart and I went shopping for containers and plants for the deck and found some pretty fun specimens. Dear heart is not one to let moss grow underfoot, so the containers have been planted and look terrific! This is the year of the yard, and I am so looking forward to making some progress in this area. Then the landscape architect who lives here won't be embarrased to say so.  :)

To balance out all this goodness, my macbook display died, which is a total bummer. (Thanks, dear heart, for the loan of your laptop to write this post from the chemo chair!) One of the advantages of working at a software company is that I have friends who know how to fix computers, and one wicked smart one is going to take my mac apart this weekend and see what's what. Thank you, Mister D!

I'll post an update on the effects of this round of chemo if there's anything worth mentioning. Fingers crossed it will be an unenventful week. Next on the horizon for me is radiation. I've got an appointment to meet my radiologist on May 2. You can bet you'll hear all about my time on the tanning bed! 

Looking forward to some sunshine this afternoon and tomorrow -- hope the sun is shining where you are!

Hair yesterday, hives today

As promised, here's notice that I've shaved my head. Left to my own devices yesterday, I gave both the dogs haircuts, and then turned the clippers on myself. My bald head has a nice shape, my ears don't stick out, and there aren't any funny bumps that I can see. It was a little traumatic -- it's like I look the cancer part now, no denying it. But it was ultimately freeing. No worries about hair falling out any more, no wondering when the right time is to shave my head. It's done. And I'm glad.

My plan was to wear fun makeup and earrings and sport scarves and hats just to feel cute and girlie. And I know I'll get that chance, but right now I have to wait for the hives and swelling to go down. The other thing that happened yesterday is that I spiked a fever in the afternoon. Getting a prescription filled on a Saturday evening was an odyssey in itself. (Thank you, dear heart, for supporting me through the ordeal.) We ultimately picked up the expensive antibiotic at 8pm at a 24 hr. pharmacy in Lynnwood. I was up all night with indigestion, thank you side effect, and started itching big time in the morning. Turns out I'm allergic to the antibiotic. So no more antibiotic, hello antihistamine. As long as the fever doesn't come back (and I'm sure it won't), I'm gonna be just fine.

I missed the shopping outing today -- disappointed about that, but another day....

(Minus the makeup, earrings, and hat, I look a lot like my youngest brother who sports a shaved head, except my eyebrows are more shaped.)

Sun is up, counts are down

WBC counts, that is. Which is just where they're supposed to be one week after treatment. As long as they're not zero, and they're not, I'll be just fine in a couple of days. I need to do what I did last round -- avoid germs, crowds, and sneezes for the next two days -- self-imposed quarantine.  I dug out my falling-apart copy of Jane Eyre and plan to settle in for a cozy read.

If I can gather the energy, the dogs and I may all be sporting new dos by the end of the weekend. Angus just needs an ear trim, but Duncan needs an all-over shearing; he's looking like a little lambie. My onc nurse suggested it might be time for a haircut for me -- give the new growth a fresh palate to grow into (new growth isn't expected for a couple of months, but the hair I have isn't really worth hanging onto much longer).  I've been looking forward to a bald head, but haven't taken the initiative to make it happen. I don't know what exactly I'm waiting for.  I thought that one of my loved ones would raise the flag and say it's time. Nope, hasn't happened. I keep asking my dear husband if he's tired of looking at my funny head, but he says no. Yet another process that is taking its time, and I seem to be OK with that. I'll let you know when I get there.

I've got plans for Sunday -- a little trek north to the outlet mall with my darling daughter - she's got a new purchase in mind, and I'd like a little outing. Then back to the office on Monday for a couple of weeks of work until it's time for the *last* chemo treatment. hooray!

Round Three

Here we are again, back in the chemo chair. A little bump in the road for this treatment -- my liver functions are up so we're waiting for blood results to see if I get chemo today or not. (Chemo can be hard on the liver and kidneys so they watch those results as well as the WBCs. I learn something new every visit.)  I guess "stat" at the lab doesn't always mean "stat" so we get to practice patience while we wait for results.

My chemo buddy today is again my dear husband. He doesn't seem to mind these endurance visits now that he has an iPhone and can surf the web while we wile away the day. And if you know my dear husband, you know I couldn't keep him away from these events -- I've had lots of volunteers (thanks dearies, xox), but he won't relinquish the job. I also figured out my wireless connection sooner, rather than later this visit, so hope to have this post ready to go before I leave the chair today.

I feel good calling this the half-way mark of my chemo experience. Cancer treatment is a long process, so it's good to be able to mark the little milestones as they come along.

Work was busy busy this week, and I love to have a little more work to do than time to do it, but by the end of yesterday I was feeling a little frazzled and ready for a break. I treated myself to dinner with the Ms last night -- we had take-out teriyaki, because that's about the extent of my entertaining abilities these days. I can manage that and some wine or beer -- drinker's choice. And I can guarantee wine you like if you bring it with you!  ;)   Though I was surprised to see that I had more of a selection than usual when I checked the wine cabinet -- dear husband included me in a recent Costco trip, which means we bought more things than were on the list (e.g. wine), which is why I don't get included on most Costco trips.

Nurse update -- another 20 minutes before lab results. OK so it took 40 minutes, but my lab results look fine so we're on for chemo today. Now the order goes in for the drugs, and sometime today I should start getting my treatment (pardon the tone, I've been sitting here for almost 2 hours now and am looking at another 3 at least. c'est la vie.)

Hair update -- super thin hair, but still enough to give me a "fringe of hair" look under the hats and scarves, so I'm holding onto it for now. It looks a little frightful when I pull off my hat, but I get a chuckle out of it when I catch myself in the mirror. Not a look I would ever pick for myself, but it's very different, and often amusing. Might as well enjoy it, and hope a stiff wind never blows my hat off.

And in case I haven't mentioned it, my dear husband is a great chemo buddy. He fills my water bottle, fetches me coffee, tea, and soda, helps me navigate my iv contraption to and from the loo (as I just mentioned, I drink a lot of liquids), and shares his delicious piroshky with me. There's a great piroshky place in the first floor of the cancer institute, and every time we take the stairs we're reminded of its presence; the aroma is mouthwatering. I get a bag lunch (sandwich, fruit, and cookie) as part of my chemo treatment, but dear husband has to fend for himself -- well, not entirely, I do share my lunch with him, but remember, it's hospital food -- so he supplements with a piroshky, and sometimes a pastry if there's one that looks too good to resist. I guess they were all resistible this week.

Well I think I'm ready to wrap this one up and let you get on with your day. I've got another half hour in the chair and then will be on my way. I think our timing will work out perfectly to pick up darling daughter from work on our way home. Bonus! We'll see what this round's side effects bring. I'll check in next week.

Follow Up

Today's the day I get my white blood cells checked to be sure they don't drop too low. So off for a blood draw and a visit with my onc nurse, B, to see how I'm doing this morning. Turns out that my counts are a little lower than they were last time, but B tells me that as long as I don't get a fever or chills in the next 48 hours, I'll be just dandy.  My plan is to lay low and keep away from germs. Lucky for me, darling daughter is pretty good at monitoring the "hand washing, hand sanitizing, no sharing with Mom" routine, because truth be told, I just don't pay as much attention as I probably should.

After my two day quarantine, the wbcs should be kicking back in. The timing is perfect, because I have a date to see the new Jane Eyre movie on Sunday. Can hardly wait!

Then it's back to work on Monday so I can catch up on the week I was out. This second round of chemo was more tolerable than the first. Less body aches, less ibuprofen -- things went pretty smoothly for me. And B cleared up a little bit of info for me. Lots of folks have mentioned that the effects of chemo can be cumulative, which had me a little worried, but she said that the only cumulative effects I can expect are tiredness. I'm a good napper, so a little tiredness is totally doable. 

Looking forward to feeling better and better over the next two weeks. Next round is scheduled for April Fool's Day.

Round Two

How nice to have wi-fi in the infusion room. Swedish Cancer Institute rocks! Of course, now that I say that, I find that even though my mac says I’m connected to the network, I can’t get to anything. Unless my oncology nurse is also a network troubleshooter, I may be posting this from home after all. (She’s not, I asked.)

I’m here at the institute getting my second chemo infusion. I’ve got a nice reclining chair, and a bed next to my chair, in case my dear husband decides that he needs a break from the hard little chair he’s sitting on and takes a wee nap. There’s an old 13-inch TV with limited cable (AMC is playing The Thomas Crown Affair – love Pierce and Rene, and Denis too). And if we decide to break out Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, there’s a DVD player (as well as a VHS player, if I wanted to dig out some old tapes and bring them with me next time). OK, so the entertainment technology is not cutting-edge, but as long as the medical equipment is, I’ll call it good.

Infusion starts with my pre-meds – all the anti-nausea medication (three different ones), which seem to do the trick because I didn’t have any nausea after my last treatment. Pre-meds take about an hour. Then the chemo starts. I get two chemo meds, one after the other and each takes about 45 min to an hour. Then it all gets topped off by a shot of neulasta – the wonder drug that jumpstarts my blood marrow’s ability to generate white blood cells. I certainly have enough distractions, but I’m happy to just sit here and enjoy the day. Sometimes the meds make me a little drowsy, so I may close my eyes for a while. All in all, not a bad way to spend the day.

I’m anticipating having a lovely evening visiting with my babysitters. My dear husband doesn’t want to leave me at home alone after chemo, and he has to take off for the mountains this afternoon, and darling daughter is working a 12-hour shift and won’t be home until later, and daughter’s dearest (ours too) has work obligations until later, so dear husband has lined up sitters for me. I’m hoping to spend the evening baking cookies and playing scrabble. A great end to a lazy day.  

(And I finally figured out how to connect to the network, so am able to post this from my chemo chair. hooray!)

Shedding

I'm feeling a little like my old lab, who was a champion shedder. Since last Thursday, my comb has been harvesting more than the usual amount of hair with every pass. The result is a thinning head of hair. I was pretty ok with it until yesterday when someone commented on my thinner than normal mop, making me a little more self-conscious than I care to admit. So today I wore a hat to work. Hats and scarves are in my future, friends, so I hope I can learn how to tie a decent-looking scarf. I'm still waiting for my hair to come out in clumps -- that hasn't happened yet. But when it does, I'll be shaving my head bald. I think it's too much to ask that I have a great looking bald head, so I'm going to save my wishes for better hair when the new crop grows back.

Other than the shedding and a little lack of stamina, I've been feeling great! This is my second week back at work, and things are going well. My second round of chemo is this Friday, so I'll be home again next week dealing with the side effects, which I hope will be as tolerable as the first round. Fingers crossed!

Bounce Back

My dear husband took me to the lab today for my blood draw, and while we waited for the results, we grabbed a little lunch at a local taqueria -- a fun diversion. The lab results showed that my immune system was back up and running, so off to the office I went for an afternoon meeting I was hoping to make. After a couple of hours at the office, I was ready to head home.

Thank goodness my white blood cell counts are through the roof, because I'm in dire need of germ fighting reinforcements. I seem to have picked up a little cold bug yesterday and the sniffly, sneezing runny nose needs to be quashed! If it wasn't for this cold, I'd be feeling pretty great. I'm hoping that a little ibuprofen and an early night will have me back in the pink and ready for a whole day at work.

I'm expecting the next couple of weeks to be full of feeling good and getting back into regular routines. And then I'll be ready for round 2!

Sunshine!

Sunshine adds sparkle to any day, and today was full of sparkle!  I think it really helped me feel better, too. I went to have my blood levels checked today, and the number was low. So low that if it had been a chemo day, I would not have been able to get chemo. This means my immune system is on vacation, so I need to stay away from anything that might make me sick or give me an infection. I had planned to go back to the office and work on Monday, but now I'll work from home Monday and Tuesday. Fingers crossed, my lab tests on Tuesday will show that I've bounced back.

I'm feeling pretty good right now and am planning on that being the trend for the next couple of weeks. I stopped at a little shop this afternoon and picked up some fun dangly earrings and several pins for my hats. More sparkle for those days when the sun doesn't shine.

Beginning

Momentum. I have little. I started writing this post a week ago, thinking I would finish it up from the chemo chair last Friday and finally start the blog I’ve been threatening to begin. Friday came and went, as did the rest of the week, and I still don’t have a post, so I’m just making myself do it – kinda like the way I’m making myself eat a bowl of stew right now. I need to do this, even if it doesn’t sound good.

So let me catch you up. Last Friday was my first chemo appointment. It lasted 5 ½ hours – way longer than the 3 they told me to plan for. It didn’t really bother me so much (I had the “comfy” chair, which was better than the little chairs darling daughter and dear husband had to endure, but certainly no La-Z-Boy), but I felt bad for my chemo buddies having to sit through the dripping drugs, one after another. Tedious, but oh well. The day’s potpourri of meds included anti-nausea meds, steroids, and cancer drugs (Taxotere and Cytoxan for you detail-lovin’ folks).

The thing I was most worried about with chemo was what it would be like to have the chemo nurse access my portacath (a port installed in my upper left chest with a catheter that goes in my vein -- all under the skin. This handy device saves the veins in my arms from being subjected to IVs, blood draws, and chemo). Turns out it was a piece of cake. Phew. 

Side effects during the chemo were a headache and some light-headedness, all quite tolerable. So tolerable in fact, that we had a last-minute dinner with the Ms that night.

Saturday included a trip downtown with my dear friend for a haircut and a little shopping (hello cute grey cap). Someone in one of my hair alternatives classes suggested getting a short haircut to try it out (and maybe help transition to the next stage – the bald one). My fabulous stylist and friend gave me a cut to envy! Almost makes me sad to be losing the hair, but really, this is all about better hair, so bring on the hair loss.

By Monday afternoon, the bone achy-ness set it. They give you a drug that makes your bone marrow work overtime to produce white blood cells and can make your bones complain. Mine definitely did, so I shut them up with a little ibuprofen.

All in all, I’m doing fine. I don’t have a lot of energy, and my portacath still feels like an alien force trapped in my chest. Body aches and pains come and go, as does the appetite. On a discomfort scale of 1-10, I spike at about 5 periodically (that’s when I pop the “Vitamin I”), but usually run in the 1-3 range.  I say that’s not bad, not bad at all.

Tomorrow I’m off to get my white blood cells counted to make sure they don’t dip too low. I’ll let you know how it goes….